Sometimes I feel like a Christian, sometimes I don't
I know what you are thinking. I'm a Christian. I know it. But sometimes I feel like I'm not and I'll tell you why.I fail all the time. I fail at keeping my temper; I fail at keeping my mouth shut; I fail at not glaring at someone I don't like or rolling my eyes when I hear something dumb. I fail at reading my Bible every morning and night. I fail at not gossiping. I fail at so many things, and then I start to wonder why I feel so miserable. I haven't asked for forgiveness; I haven't given my day over to Christ. I'm living selfishly and I know it. I snap a reply to someone who asks a simple question. Even when they don't ask a simple question, I snap. I fail at everything and yet, because of this, I can be a Christian.
I can be proud that my Father in Heaven has taken care of me. He always can fix my day. He fixes everything; He never leaves me. I can trust Him with anything. He will save me when I ask. I know this and yet I keep falling short and I keep trusting in myself over Him over and over and over."Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor." Proverbs 21:21 NIV
When I pursue the things that He wants me to, my path isn't guaranteed to be easy. No, it's a guarantee that I'll never be alone. It's a guarantee that I'll never have to face anything alone and without help. I feel alone all the time until I realize of course I'm not alone. He's with me. God's walking alongside me whether I have my blinders on or not. Sometimes I feel like a Christian when I feel like my day is going great and I think that reading my Bible that morning somehow made me a better Christian than anybody else who didn't. Sometimes I don't feel like a Christian because I realize how could I ever think of myself as one if I'm as haughty and proud to think that?
I'm a Christian, a Christ follower. Even through my ups and downs, He will be with me. I am a Christian because God has saved me through the cross. Even when I feel like I don't deserve it, He loves me fully and without a price. I can do nothing to earn it. "Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6